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Local News

Raising adopted children: Challenges, rewards

By MARK LAW, Staff writer
POSTED: November 14, 2009

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STEUBENVILLE - Some people adopt because they can't physically have children, empty nesters may adopt to fill a lonely home, others just want to help children. But they all agree that adoption is rewarding.

November is Adoption Awareness Month across the country and here in Jefferson County.

A group of parents who have been through the adoption process recently spoke about the rewards and challenges that come with opening a home to a child who was once a stranger.

Tracy Daily, Jefferson County Job and Family Services, Children Services Division adoption coordinator, said parents who adopt through a public agency first must be foster parents. Being a foster parent and an adoptive parent go hand in hand, since a foster child may spend a couple years in a home before he or she is adopted.

Daily said Ohio law has changed requiring foster children to live in a home a minimum of six months before the adoption process can begin. It used to be a minimum of 12 months.

Children service agencies in Ohio have a goal of reuniting a child with his or her biological family, and if that isn't successful, then children services works to get the child adopted.

Daily said there were seven adoptions in 2008 but only two adoptions in 2009. There are 13 adoptions in the planning process for 2010, she noted.

Jim and Janice Hague of Bloomingdale have been foster parents for seven years and have three adopted, sons, Daniel, Frank and Dalton.

Sheridan and Mary Christian of Smithfield have two adopted children and are in the process of adopting four more. Five of the six children are related. The Christians have been foster parents for 14 years.

Carolyn and Ben McEwen of Toronto have two adopted children and are in the process of adopting another. They have been foster parents for 32 years.

The Hagues became involved as foster parents after a miscarriage and were told Janice couldn't have children.

Janice said she looked at her husband and said, "There are a lot of other kids out there."

She noted the couple at first had an infant, but only had the child for a month. It hurt to say goodbye, she said. Then the Hagues got two brothers, Frank and Daniel. They fostered the children for four years before adopting them.

"Everything happens for a reason," Hague said about the loss of their own child and then the adoption of two brothers.

"I tell everyone I know that (being a foster parent) is a great learning experience. It has its ups and downs. It is like a roller coaster ride. You have to hold onto the bar. But it is very rewarding," Janice said.

Her husband agrees. "Sometimes it is fun and sometimes it is nerve-racking," he said.

The Hagues live on a farm, and Jim spends a lot of time with the boys camping and fishing and working on 4-H projects.

Janice noted she bonded with her adopted children from the first day.

"I was mom from day one," she said.

The Christians said they are suddenly facing a full house with six children.

"There are so many kids out there but we know we can't save the world," Sheridan said. "It is very rewarding to see them grow up and see that you taught them something."

His wife said she didn't like the empty house after her children grew up.

"I've always been a mom and I like that role. It is my calling in life and I have enjoyed it completely," she said.

With the addition of four children in the home, Mary said it wasn't that much of a change.

"You just add a little more (food) to the table," she said.

Sheridan noted the biggest challenge is dealing with all the clothes.

The Christians noted the characteristics of a foster parent are patience and being down to earth, flexible and committed.

Carolyn McEwen said she always wanted to help children and has a big home. The McEwens, being longtime foster parents, rubbed off on their natural children.

Two of their natural children are foster parents and a third runs a day care center.

Carolyn said adoption is a birthing process.

"It is a legal and psychological rebirth," she said. "The natural birthing process takes nine months, but the rebirthing process for adoptive mothers can take years.

"Love doesn't cure everything. With an adopted child, you can love the child with all your heart but sometimes that is not enough. A child brings inherited characteristics that aren't the same as your (natural) child. And they bring emotional scars," she noted.

Janice added foster parents have sort of a fraternity where they call each other for support and suggestions.

Daly noted foster parents receive extensive training before they get their first child and also are provided ongoing training. If there is a child with specific problems, children services will search out training and help for the foster parents.

(Law can be contacted at mlaw@heraldstaronline.com.)

 
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